how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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