he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
