I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
