I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
