I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
