well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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