A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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