My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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