I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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