I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
