I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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