I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
