thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
