Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
