It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
