Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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