I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
