just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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