Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
