why didn't you poke me back
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
