Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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