Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
