How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
