My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
