peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
