It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to make a zoo with you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
