Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
