There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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