The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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