i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
