At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
