you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
