He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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