And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
