I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
