he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
