And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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