your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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