Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
whose parrot is this?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
