she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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