Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
