You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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