You're my little dorito
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
