Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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