His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i came on her dog
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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