Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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