the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
