...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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