Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
