He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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