So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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